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November 11, 2006

Ode to Abs

Abby, one of my best friends, turns 23 today. We've both known each other since we were what? 6 1/2? 7? In honor of her I wanted to tell a story or two and reminisce about the good 'ole days. Cause there were many.

One of my favorite stories involving the two of us was the infamous Pee Incident. We used to clean her grandma's house when we were younger. One of these times, we were alone and were just getting started. Abby decided it would be really fun to spray my hair with Pledge. I chased after her and we ended up on the floor, with me on top. I remember trying to show her that "Look!!! This is PLEDGE in my HAIR!!!!!!!" and I guess she was laughing so hard that she peed. Right there in the living room. The one thing I remember is the little pee dribble on the carpet - it must have been stain resistant, because there it sat, NOT absorbing into the carpet. She had to wear her grandma's muu-muu the rest of the afternoon while her clothes were cleaned and dried.

Or how about the time that we were playing catch with a softball in her grandma's backyard. She threw it, I wasn't watching, and right as I turned to look at her, WACK!!! Softball to the eye.
Or maybe the time at her grandma's house when she sprayed my clothes with the water hose and I ended up wearing her grandma's muu-muu all afternoon while my clothes dried.

Or what about that one time that we decided to make dinner for her grandma and her grandma's friend. With absolutely zero cooking knowledge besides how to toast bread, we set about making a DELICIOUS meal. It was some kind of soup, and all I remember is that it had corn. Maybe some instant potato soup. We ended up calling it, appropriately, "Brain Flames".

How about that one time at her grandma's house (I'm sensing a theme here....) where we decided to check out her grandma's sex novels. We read aloud about a man licking his lover's "navel" and thought that was just about the most disgusting thing in the entire world. Her NAVEL, OHMIGOSH!!!! Right up there with cooked spinach and sauerkraut (sorry Abs, can't stand the stuff!).

What about the time that we went to Outdoor EFY and I forgot my toothbrush and we shared yours the entire week? I also distinctly remember us walking down the mountain with a shovel and half used toilet paper roll, trying to find some privacy from our camp. I don't think I could have pooped on a hill with anyone else.

Then there's always the infamous Durango Trip. There's not enough time in the day to talk about all the crazy, hilarious things that happened to us on that trip. We were "probed", we watched a drunken hillbilly pee right in front of the parked car we were in, we watched as the bride hitched up her dress and ran up to meet a long lost friend, falling in the mud on the way. We were told the fancy punch wasn't for "the kids", and that they had non-caffeinated pop for us, just to be "P.C". We had to hike up a small hill in our dress shoes and skirts to pee because we were not about to use the port-a-potty they'd brought for the occasion. We sat in amazement after the ceremony was over as a women stood on the porch, rung a triangle and told us to "Come an' get it!!" I could go on (and on, and on and on....) about this one experience, but there are so many other good times...

Like the many times we stayed up all night long and then ate breakfast with her dad after he got off his graveyard shift as a cop. Then we'd settle into our sleeping bags and sleep until 3 that afternoon.

What about that time we both got locked in her playhouse outside, and our other best friend Kjersti had to call her dad at work to come get us out?

How about the many times we'd be driving in her car and see headlights flashing behind us and we'd pull over only to find it was her dad telling us to come home for dinner, or asking us if we had our seatbelts on.

How about that time when we were helping her mom with the blood drive at Primary Children's Medical Center, and I fell in the trash can in the bathroom? Or when that crazy guy told us about that time he was in...some crazy country...and watched cows floating dead in the river?

Or the time when we were playing our flutes in a church program and started laughing so hard at the end of the song that we couldn't get the last 3 notes out, and just walked away and sat down?

The picture at the end pretty much sums up our childhood. We were waiting for Kjersti to come over one Friday night for a sleepover and she was taking FOREVER. Like, a whole 20 minutes longer than she said she would. So we got sick of waiting, and decided we needed to do something exciting to get her to come down. So we opened up her coat closet and put on everything we could. Her dad's hunting hat, ski goggles, clothes, her mom's jacket, her dad's gun holster, glasses that made you feel drunk....and walked up to her house. We were laughing so hard when we got there (those glasses REALLY made it difficult for me to walk straight...) we collapsed on her floor in a giggling heap, and Kjersti had no idea it was us.

Abs, I love you so much! I can't believe the way our lives have turned out, and how intricately they've weaved themselves together. You know, we weren't that far off when we pictured marrying brothers and living in our mansion together. You've been there for just about every part of my life, and I've so enjoyed being a part of yours. I love you, and look forward to many more years of these crazy experiences we seem to always find ourselves in. In 60 years when our husbands are tragically killed in a freak frisbee golf accident, we'll move in together and both drive each other crazy, eating Brain Flames and mocha almond fudge ice cream.

Happy Birthday Abs!

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