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March 31, 2006

Vying for Rookie of the Year...

Well, we did it. It's our first anniversary today. We are officially "not-newlyweds". At first I was kindof sad by that, "newlyweds" is such a fun title. A connotation of bubbly-happiness, laughter, and fun - oh yeah, and being sex-crazed. It means that we are now considered "adults". We're not single, not engaged, not newlyweds. We're just married. It's like the end of an era - a two year period of engagement rings, wedding plans, honeymoons, moving in together, and where everything that goes right or wrong can be attributed to it being "your first year".
I decided it's a good thing though. Before we got married, everyone either told us "The first year is the best" or "The first year is the hardest". What advice to the engaged! "You're either going to love it or hate it!" Yikes. I haven't asked Caleb what his opinion is - did we get heads or tails?! - but I personally think it was a difficult year. Our circumstance was a bit different though, not only did we get married, but Caleb bought a business and we moved away from our home, our friends and family, to left-wing, highly organic, can't-pump-our-own-gas Oregon. I think if I were to take those "stress tests" we used to do in high school, I'd be at the top of the richter scale. They'd give me my paper back with "Go See Your Therapist Immediately" in bright red letters. Not that we haven't had good times, we definitely have, but it's probably safe to say that I've had a harder time with it than Caleb has. Maybe he's just been busy with work, or maybe he's just more happy-go-lucky than I am. There were definitely times when I think I was certifiably depressed. Maybe it's all part of the game though - you're on such a high with all the fun wedding plans, and then in one day it's over and you have go back to living a "normal" life - a life that is now riddled with trying to get along with your new room mate, sort through your finances and learn to live on less. When I first got to Australia to study abroad, all the international students met for a meeting with the international counsellors. They told us that it was common for people who are in new situations like the one we were in, to experience a high at first. You're in a new place, new things to see and do. After a while you come off that high and plummet - become depressed, or homesick in this case - and finally your mood levels off. You get used to your new life and learn to enjoy the new opportunities. Of course at the time I thought there was no way I could NOT want to be in Australia, on my own, running around Sydney. But of course a month later I became their poster child. I believe I went through something similar to this after we got married. The first little bit there were definite highs. Newly married, new city, new apartment, new things to see....and then off I went on the rollercoaster ride. I think it took me a bit longer this time to get back to the "normal" phase, maybe because this is more permanent than 4 months in Australia? I've always been the kind of person that wants to know that there is an "out" to something I agree to. That I can quit the job, move out, or turn around. Marriage was the first thing that I couldn't get "out" of - not without severe consequences for someone other than myself at least. I think that scared me the most, I really had to come to terms with it - still do - and realize that I chose this for a reason. I saw that I wasn't the only newlywed to feel this way, that not everyone is blissfully, constantly in love at first, and started to feel less of a freak. So I am hoping that this second year is a more level year - a year where we start to work better together, learn from our mistakes. That the refiner's fire gets turned down a notch (please!), and I can go back to being ME. Which will be nice, as I've missed that.



5 comments:

Kjersti said...

KIM-
Happy anniversary!!! I never know what to do on people's anniversaries, whether you should actually call and wish them a happy anniversary or just say it the next time you see them. It is important, but it's more about the two of you than anyone else. Anyway, I'm glad you survived your first year of marriage. I agree the experience has probably been harder for you than for most with ALL the changes you've been through, but you've done it very gracefully, in my opinion. Plus since you like coming home it means I get to see you more, which is good for me, so I can't complain!

I finally figured out that the reason my computer wouldn't let me into your blogsite was that I was putting in the wrong site address. Stupid technology and it's pickiness! So, Danae came over and gave me the real one, and I shall be reading and commenting from now on. You just can't think I'm a dork if I'm like, "Kim, that blog you wrote two months ago....what a riot!" I admit I'm a little slow, but I'll try to catch up!
I love you, Kimmy, and I love Caleb, too. I hope you both are doing well.

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