Cheatin' Monet

So I was all ready to post something loving and cheesy about all the things I'm thankful for, but it's so late all I can think of is my bed. It's been a long day, with lots of food, lots of family, and (hopefully) the last night that we stay up so late. So I'll just share a lovely story from today...

So we're all sittin' around the dinner table, after our nice Thanksgiving dinner. My little sister is showing us the picture she drew in her second grade class at school that she entered into some contest. It was supposed to be about her family, or her favorite thing that her family does, or something to that effect. Her picture shows all of us sitting around on couches having Family Night. My other sister jokingly points out that what she drew looks NOTHING like how our house actually looks - she says "Oh, I know. But it looks exactly like the boy's house that I sit next to." I wasn't aware, until this point, that you could cheat in art. Apparently I was wrong.

Checked Baggage

Ah, holiday traveling. The hustle, the bustle, the arguing, the scurrying, the long lines, the crazy idiots that STILL can't put their liquids in their checked luggage.... We got up at 5 am to get ready and be at the airport two hours early, anticipating the horror that is the airports before a major holiday. We took a 5 minute cab ride to the airport (cheaper than leaving our car there for a week), stood in line for another 5 minutes checking in, waited in line for security for oh, maybe, 15 minutes, and then got to sit at our terminal for what? An hour and a half? Something like that. But hey, we got to sit in the front on our Southwest flight, and we all know what a blessing that can be. Except for when the only screaming child on the plane is two rows behind you, and the old man sitting directly behind you is yacking the ear off some poor defenseless girl throughout the entire flight. "Wow, I was so worried that this plane was only going to RENO!!! But then I thought, they wouldn't let me on the plane if it was, right? They'd tell me it wasn't going to Salt Lake, wouldn't they?" Are you with me? You know how it is. So we finally land, finally make it to the baggage claim area, and begin the long wait. Mine comes out first, and so we've got our eyes peeled for Caleb's. We both see this seemingly TINY suitcase come barreling down the shoot, and I turn to him and say "What the heck?! It's TINY! Why in the world didn't they just carry it on the plane with them?! Ridiculous!" Cabe nods, totally agreeing. Then we watch it come slowly around the bend.....make it's way to us....and both realize that the tiny suitcase? The one we'd just ridiculed? Yeah, that would be Caleb's. WE'RE the ridiculous ones.

Sensory Overload

This post may be a little scattered and crazy, but I have a real live excuse. For real. Except for one little (insanely horrible!) incident, today was quite lovely. Quite jam-packed, actually. I had the opportunity to sleep in - until 10!!!!!!!! I felt like I'd won the lottery! "More sleep?! You mean, I can continue to sleep past 8?! It's genious I tell you!!!" After a lovely session at the gym at our new apartment place (lovely...for real) I came home all excited because yeah! Dish Network was coming to bring us our DVR and satelite! I wouldn't have to worry about the Free Cable Police!!! Sadly, this was our one insanely horrible incident. The kid walked into our place with a little boy scout compass, took one look, and said "Nope. Can't set it up." and left. APPARENTLY our apartment is NOT facing South or Southeast. We are facing West. And every body knows that if you own a West-facing-apartment, you are screwed. Except for us I guess. It might have been a TAD helpful to at least have had a heads up, right? So now we're going to have to re-figure our phone / internet / TV, as they were all lovingly (so they said...) bundled by AT&T. Yeah for us!

Thankfully, the rest of the day redeemed itself. First off though, we had to go drop the mutt off at the boarding place we'd chosen. Actually, I'd chosen, because it was the only place that wasn't completely booked. It was a bit of a drive, a good 20 - 30 minutes, but hey! They'd take him! Over the Thanksgiving weekend! I'd spoken to the lady that owned it, and seen pictures on their website. However.......when we arrived, we found that it wasn't EXACTLY like the pictures had shown. It was more like this -

I wish I could accurately describe the smell of the "lobby". Or maybe all the crazy decorations inside. It was more like...and old, old, old home. Turned into a "pet retreat". I was pretty much stunned, with no speech ("I have no speech!") so I signed the papers and shoved the mutt off. We were comforted by the fact that he'd be allowed to play with other dogs, and um. There were sheep. And you know a good Aussie loves his sheep. Hopefully we'll return to find him in one piece, without any extra diseases. Right? He'll be fine, right?! We won't all get fleas, right?!?!?!

After successfully pawning off our "child" onto someone else, we giddily hopped in the car for our next destination. Or at least I was giddy. We were going HERE -

Neither of us had been there before, and I don't think we were prepared for the craziness. The ginormousness of the place. The amount of items FOR THE TAKING!!!! So...I pretty much wanted everything in there. And came out with nothing. NOTHING. Not a single plate, not one fancy ice cube tray. We found some great items, but it was almost like...we had to preserve the sacredness of it. "Next time" we'd say. "We'll definitely need to come back" and "Let's just look around and get some ideas". Mainly because both of our brains were ready to explode with all the possibilities. It's mind-boggling people, ye be warned. And yes......we will need to go back. Probably numerous times, and no, I have no problem with that. I also don't have a problem with the fact that it is mere minutes away. Yeah for California!

So after such a draining experience, we were pretty tired. And oh yeah, hungry. Very hungry. And lo!!!! We were in luck! Just two exits down, an In-N-Out Burger! It's my kind of burger joint. Only a few classic options to choose from (this helps with my inability to make minor decisions...it's a problem people, and I am seeking psychiatric attention.....) and everything is FRESH. The beef is never frozen, the fries cut up that morning (and NOT fried in the nasty oil). Maybe you've never had the experience, and maybe you're thinking to yourself "What is this woman's problem? It's just a freakin' HAMBURGER for cryin' out loud." But that would be because you've never experienced fresh meat, crisp lettuce, and just-cut tomatoes. If you like that kind of thing. It's something to experience. And there you have it - free sameless plugging. You're welcome In-N-Out.

Oh, and that giant burger you see? Sooooooooooo not mine. I feel satisfied with ONE patty, thank you. That's right. Just the one.....

Now I must get pack-a-lackin', because we leave bright and early tomorrow morning for Utah - our home turf. This might mean that my posts are even LESS thought out, and more thrown up there, but hey. You'll all be on your own tryptophan low as well. Nothin' like food and family, is there?

Fabuloso!!!!!!

Number of days we've officially been Californians: 6

Number of days we've had free cable tv: 6

Number of hours we've known about said cable: 5.5

I could SOOOOOO have been watching Oprah this entire time?!?!?!?!! "TUNA!!!!!"

We've got the travel channel people! FOR FREE!!!!!!! Should I be posting that?! I'm all afraid that the Free Cable Police are going to show up. Is this a sting?! The doorbell rang today and my heart started pounding.........I looked out the little peephole (holy crap, is it lame that I LOVE that we have a peephole?! "Like in the movies Ma!") and it was just the UPS man. I had to take deep breaths after.

As a side note, I went to TWO different stores today and did NOT get lost. Though Costco was like, just down and around the corner, it's still a little achievement. And Target? That was so totally NOT in our city. Yeah for me.

And at Target? I found the most FABULOUS thing.

And yes, I got all down and dirty with the Target floor for this. I couldn't resist. Fabuloso cleaner?! And now I can die happy.

Tomorrow? We are going to experience everything that IS Ikea. And before that? I so have nothing to do. I need to soak up this whole jobless thing while I can. Push that snooze button a few extra times, lounge around in my pj's eating mocha almond fudge ice cream and watch Good Morning America. Well okay, maybe not the ice cream part. It just sounded good.....

World's Best Sandwich - Revealed!!!

I know, I know, it's been a long time coming. You've all been sittin' on the edge of your seats salivating for DAYS. When in the WORLD is this woman going to show us the money!?!? Well, here it is. In all it's ethereal glory -

Behold, The Nutty Vegetarian from Old World Deli in downtown Corvallis. You start with nutty wheat bread. Add a layer of mustard, and sprinkle a generous helping of fresh salty sunflower seeds. Add a thin layer of cheddar cheese and some fresh lettuce. Next, the best part. Thick, juicy, crunchy apples, then another layer of cheese, nuts, and mustard, and you've sent yourself straight to heaven. The combination of salty, nutty, sweet, juicy and sharp cheddar - it's stimulates every single inch of your tongue. Now mind you, I'm no vegetarian by any means. I usually avoid anything that even promotes itself as vegetarian. And THAT'S how good this sandwich is. The first time I had it I enjoyed it so much I went back the next day. And wanted to go AGAIN the next, but was afraid it would somehow jinx me. Like I've mentioned before, I've tried re-creating it at home, and haven't been able to do it. Wrong bread...cheese....I couldn't even get the apples right. I was one step away from asking them what each item was so that I could stock up, but chickened out. It's always better when someone else makes it anyway. So ya'll just need to hop a plane to tiny Corvallis, and experience the beauty that IS - the World's Best Sandwich.

Because I really didn't need my feet anyway....

We decided to head to Fisherman's Wharf today via the Caltrain. Still trying to decide if that was worth it. We didn't have to deal with finding and paying for a parking spot. It was a fun experience, riding the train in. But I was a RETARD and decided that I shouldn't wear my 5 year old I-bought-them-at-Fred-Meyer-and-refuse-to-trash-them-because-I-love-them flip flops. I was going into a CITY for heavens sake. San Francisco city to be exact, and dang it, I was NOT going to look like I'd just spent a year in Albany, Oregon. So I donned my brown funky Rocket Dogg boots, stuffing my jeans in them despite the fact that they were NOT skinny jeans. (Let's talk about how uncomfortable it is to jam your jeans into tight boots. I think I've still got marks on my legs. ) We walked to the Caltrain station, which isn't too far from our apartment, and about halfway there my feet started hurting. After 5 hours of walking, I've now got three or four blisters on each of the BOTTOMS of my feet. Not the customary heel folks. Sole Blisters (as they shall here on out forever be known as) are unavoidable when walking. They're deep under the skin and insanely painful. I wouldn't wish them on my enemies. Alright maybe.... By the time we got to the train station at the end of the day, I was practically crawling. But hey! We had a fun day. We saw some crazy people, got stopped by the "San Francisco Luv Police", I saw a sign that said "No Thongs, only Flip Flops" with a picture of bathing suit thong under the famous red crossed out sign. Or whatever you want to call it. I saw many a belly shirt on women that should never wear such things. Belly shirts, if they are to be worn, should never cause that much undue stress to those around you. It was like her pants and shirt were trying to squeeze a big pimple on her stomach. UGH!!!!! I heard more languages in those few blocks than I ever have in my entire life. We saw crazy statues, and exotic foods (and by exotic, I am NOT talking about the oysters, because those were just downright ugly). Here are just a few highlights:

Our el train stationo.

They didn't get off these the entire day.......

EAT!!!!!!! Like we needed any encouragement. That was a dang good sandwich....

Totally had this centered right, and then some large women barreled into me. PEOPLE!!!

And THAT would be Alcatraz.

all hail the blackberry

If I would have had access to cabe's new blackberry on wednesday, I wiuld have been able to post. So down with the q! and... I have no idea how to go back and fix that spelling error. It will drive me nuts to wait until we get back from san francisco tonight to change it. Must retreat to my happy place...

In Case You Weren't Sure of my Mental Status on Wednesday...

Phew! So I'm a little more rested, a little less certifiably insane. I must be numb to everything, because I'm sitting here at the computer calmly typing, amidst ginormous piles of half-full boxes and nary an ounce of order. Perhaps I am exhausted. Something has to account for it, because in any other situation I'd be curled in the corner or in a frenzied dash to put everything in it's rightful place (there is a slight possibility that the whole curling in the corner bit happened just this very morning...). The family room is the most organized, with our couches facing our non-working tv. How we are going to last until Tuesday is beyond me. We might actually have to get something DONE.

Would you like to know just how insanely tired I was that first night? Because I have proof people, and something must be said in defence of my non-blogging on Wednesday. Something other than the babbling that occured last night in a hurried attempt to post something after my inability to do so. While we were unloading the U-Haul my job was to basically sit there and make sure that our stuff wasn't robbed of us by the scary Californian robbers. Which are much different than Utah robbers, or Oregon robbers. For real. I unloaded what I could so that the boys could easily get it and transport it to our increasingly jam-packed apartment. I unloaded one box and quickly discovered that my precious balsamic vinaigrette was leaking. Had been for oh, probably, about half the trip down. One of the corners was soaked in the black gold. After a copious amount of instructions off it went on the dolly. About a minute after they'd taken away their load, I noticed a black drip drip drip where Brian had taken the box. For some reason I decided that I needed to make sure that it was the vinaigrette, instead of some alien saliva or something. I bent down, inspected, and dipped a finger in it to smell. Yup, sure enough, my nostrils burned with the acidity. And the next thing I did? Stuck that finger that I'd just dipped in the vinaigrette that was on the concrete, concrete that has no doubt seen many a dog's poop-encrusted-paw, into my poor unsuspecting mouth. IN MY MOUTH people. In my defense, as soon as I had done this atrocity, I flipped. I don't even use the 10 second rule in my own kitchen. Couple this with the realization that Motorolla's Q and....whatever new fancy phone Brian has, didn't allow me to post something, and the fact that I'd been driving for 11 hours, and was utterly famished, and you had one crazed female.

Today? What have I done today you ask? I had an "interview" with a temp agency in the area this morning. I HATE this part of temp agencies. I was in their office from 10:45 (15 minutes late because I managed to make every wrong turn possible on the 9 minute drive) until 1:30 doing tests and filling out paper work. It might not have been so bad, except that I hadn't had anything to eat, and their office was so insanely cold they could have doubled as a sperm and egg freezing clinic. After arriving back home (only getting lost ONCE people. Progress!) I made myself a sandwich (the only food we have all the ingredients for) and have pretty much sat on my tired butt ever since. Caleb and Brian are viewing their new franchise area, and probably won't be back for a while considering all the traffic around these parts. I'm currently trying to convince myself that taking a nap on my lovely new bed isn't the best use of my time. I should be organizing my bedroom. Or the kitchen. Or the bathroom. Or the living room. Or the storage room on the deck. Or the fridge. Or looking up job opportunities. Or finding a grocery store and stocking up on FOOD. Remember food Kim? The stuff that used to fill your tiny cabinet in Oregon? Yeah, you might need some of that. Denny's for breakfast every day isn't a great health or financial choice. Just a thought.

Welcome to California!!! A jumble of thoughts....

Well............what do I say? I've failed!!! And it's only the middle of the month. I'd just like to say though, that I tried EVERYTHING I could to post something, but apparently Blogger isn't formated for a Blackberry or whatever. I couldn't log in!!! It was so frustrating!! We couldn't get Wi-Fi anywhere..............Let's just say it was the perfect end to an incredibly ridiculous day. Maybe the Worst Day.

The first part of the day went well, we got up at 6 am and began the long drive. Cabe and his business partner, Brian, drove in the U-Haul, and I drove my car with the mutt.



Since this is pretty much what he did the whole time, I had no choice but to crank the music. I listened to Bob and Tom until it was over, and then slowly began sorting through my cd collection. CD mixes from my high school days, which consisted of angry girl music, rap, country, rock, and the occasional ballad. Think I was a bit confused on who exactly I was? I think so.

Things were going SWELL. We finally hit California, and I tried in vain to capture the old "Welcome to California" sign to post, but I..........missed it. I'm going to blame it on my new phone. I still can't figure it out. I did however take a pic of the area once we arrived in Cali.

Beautiful....right? Something like that. We were in Cali for no more than five minutes before we passed our first wild fire. I did however REALLY enjoy the Lake Shasta area. We're DEFINITELY going to have to plan a little road trip up there. Gorgeous! Anyway, so we'd been in California for an hour or two, enjoying the 70 mph speed limit, when suddenly a cop pulled up very quickly behind me....passed me...and then pulled over Caleb and Brian. Naturally I followed them and waited on the side of the road. I decided this was probably something I should capture: Our first ticket in California.

After a minute, Caleb called me and filled me in. So this is how it went - the cop walks up and starts out with "Well, you're doing 3 illegal things. First, I assume that person behind us (me) is with you." They affirmed, and then he told them that "In the state of California" (this would be a theme for his speal) it is illegal for someone such as myself, a non-traffic offender, to pull over. So Caleb was to call me and tell me to drive off. Secondly, apparently "in the state of California", if you are towing something - anything - you have to drive in the right hand lane. Which we were not, for a good part of the time. Thirdly, "in the state of California", if you are towing something, your maximum speed limit is 55 mph. Which he was not abiding by. Despite the fact that they pleaded our ignorance of our new state's laws, they were given a ticket. Which we will contest, thank you. Welcome to California!!!!!!!

Since they were busy being pulled over, and that they would now have to drive 55 mph, I was now going to have to drive ahead to get to our apartment complex before they closed at 6 pm. Which um, put me right smack dab in the middle of rush hour traffic. I sped along and endured 3 agonizing traffic jams, but finally made it to the complex at 6:30, and showered our manager with kisses and thank you's for letting us sleep in our new apartment that night. Sleeping in the car with the dog was an experience that I didn't really feel up to after a 10 hour drive. We spent the rest of the night unloading the U-Haul and cursing doors that opened the "wrong" way. We were STARVING by the time we got finished, and to our horror, discovered that all the pizza places had been closed for a whole 10 MINUTES. So we found ourselves at Denny's at 11:45 pm. I could have devoured a lumberjack breakfast, but couldn't make myself do it so late at night. I was also a little more than upset about not being able to publish something for the day. I had toast and a piece of ham - and woke up at 6 am ready to grill the dog on a skewer.

Today turned out exactly the opposite of the way we planned it. We got ready and ate breakfast (would you believe we ate at Denny's again?! Halel's Meat Market was out of the question...) and then headed off to our friend's work place to see a display he'd been working on for a long time. It was insanely crazy, and the world should definitely get ready for some amazing products. After we finished getting the low down on them, we decided to stay and help him clean up the display room. We left his work at 5:30. Somehow helping him out with a few things turned into everything. Which was fine. :) It was fun to see his products and office, and hey. Who doesn't enjoy a little service? I know I do. For real. We've spent the rest of the night unpacking and playing Tetris with our furniture. Actually, the boys did that, while I worked in the kitchen, which is still only 50% done. I wish I could turn off my OCD button for tasks like this. I obsess about the BEST POSSIBLE place for EVERY SINGLE THING. Like, how could I live with myself if the rolling pin was in THAT drawer?! I couldn't! Mid-episode, I glanced at the clock to discover that OH.MI.GOSH it's nearly midnight and I can't possibly miss TWO posts!! So here I am. With internet people! CONNECTIONS. It's all about the connections.

I will leave you now. Because it is late, I am tired, and um....we got a new bed. And not just a NEW bed, but a Tempur-Pedic bed. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get myself up anymore. I may need some kind of foghorn for an alarm. I'm sure there are a gazillion spelling and grammatical errors, but right now? Too tired. And let me tell you - THAT is tired folks. I'll probably not be able to sleep anyway and come back to fix them...all red and googly eyed......

Behold! My new kitchen! Before the Attack of the Boxes.

I have to say, I'm pretty proud of my little phone. It may even be better than our held-together-with-scotch-tape-camera.

NaBloPoMo Gods...........have mercy on me! :) I know not what I do....

The Eagle Has Landed!!

This is pretty much what today and tomorrow will consist of - this van. Boxes. Duct tape. The smell of an oven on cleaning mode, Pinesol. Behold, the quality of the "Q". It's a good thing he's switching to the Blackberry.


So..........I did eat the World's Best Sandwich today. I did take a picture. It's just that SOMEONE (TOTALLY not me.....never.....) packed the USB cord for the camera, so for the time being, it's stuck. I even opened up a box or two, but to no avail. So I swear....in the next few days or so when we get our computer hooked up, I shall show you all the beauty that IS the World's Best Sandwich. Until then....I bid you adieu.

Tomorrow's post, from my husband's new Blackberry, should be interesting. Look for spelling errors and funky formatting. Such an adventure. Maybe I can even post my favorite trucker stop on the way.

Shorty Post

This is gonna be a shorty. Cabe and I got up at 7:30 am today, and we've been packing ever since, and I think that midnight is as good a time as any to finally hit the hay. Especially when you're getting up just as early the next day. What do you write about packing? "I TOTALLY stuffed SO much stuff in that last box...." We had to get a little creative with all the glass and such, but I think it will get there in one piece. I hope so at least - no one wants to clean up an entire box soaked in balsamic vinaigrette or olive oil. Cooking Sherry. We also had to get a little creative with the meals, because uh, some of us were stupid and packed like, everything we'd need to make a meal. Now we've got cheese but no cheese slicer or even a knife (but really, who uses knives to cut their cheese these days anyway?), sour cream, summer sausage (I won't even go into how much I love that stuff....SOOO not a good thing to crave...), powdered sugar, raspberry jam, and a whole array of condiments. Let's just say we're going to be eating out for all our meals for the next two days. Denny's anyone? FYI, they totally opened one up in Albany and it's a HIT. That's how "small town" we are. Thankfully we had a fun little party to head to tonight that was serving PIZZA, oh.mi.gosh. I was starving! I figure I got most of the food groups in today, though right? Dough, meat, cheese, veggies. Let me just tell you how hungry I was - I actually DEVOURED a whole ham and pineapple slice, and folks, I am NOT a ham and pineapple girl. No sweet stuff on my pizza, uh uh! Today though....today was a different story. Let's just hope that I get some variety tomorrow, or who knows WHAT I'll eat. Sushi? Sauerkraut?! A HOT DOG?!!? THE HORROR!!!

Actually........I think I'm finally going to be able to blog about The World's Best Sandwich. So ya'll come hungry tomorrow. I'll find out if they ship worldwide...........cause it IS that good.

Humiliation Chronicals #1

Well, once again it is a dreary, rainy, Sunday night. The wind is howling, the rain is pounding, and so I felt I needed to post something funny. And what better place to look than one of my first journals!? The drama, the obsessiveness, the fights with friends and your parents....it's all in there baby. Here's the first entry I wrote, dated October 15th, 1995 when I was 12, spelling and grammer errors included.

"Dear Journal,
Hello, my name is KM. I just turned 12 on the 6th. I am a Beehive(an age level in my church). So far it has been great. We are playing volleyball and it is great.
I have two sisters. K is 22 months younger than I am. E is 5. We all have brown hair and hazel eyes. Except for K. She has reddish brown hair. I have lots of friends. My closest are: AK, KH, LB, JR, MP, & BS. I don't have a boyfriend but a guy I like's name is JC. He has brown hair and hazel or blue eyes. He might like me too. I catch him looking at me every once in a while (after reading a few more pages in my journal, I quickly found a pattern with this. Every boy who looked at me, must like me). Also me & KH adore this actor. His name is Dean Cain. He plays superman and he is ONE HUNK! With dark brown hair and brown eyes, him & Teri Hatcher (Lois Lane) make the best couple. (What is this? A plug for the sitcom?!) Except Teri is married. We tape his videos and memorize the lines. We watch them over and over."

After this I'd taped a picture I cut out from a magazine at the time -

It's not the same one, but the closest I could find. Around it I wrote such lovely things - like "Buff arms!", and "What a HUNK!" We were literally devastated when we found out that Teri Hatcher was married, and tried to make ourselves believe that they really did love each other. Just like in the show......

Let's just say obsessions like these (and this one lasted many years...) weren't good for my image at the time. Not good at all.....

I'd also like to say that I am SO GLAD that I have this kind of thing documented for all my posterity to read. I can just see my great grandchild reading this after I'm dead..... "Mom? Great grandma was really weird....."

Ode to Abs

Abby, one of my best friends, turns 23 today. We've both known each other since we were what? 6 1/2? 7? In honor of her I wanted to tell a story or two and reminisce about the good 'ole days. Cause there were many.

One of my favorite stories involving the two of us was the infamous Pee Incident. We used to clean her grandma's house when we were younger. One of these times, we were alone and were just getting started. Abby decided it would be really fun to spray my hair with Pledge. I chased after her and we ended up on the floor, with me on top. I remember trying to show her that "Look!!! This is PLEDGE in my HAIR!!!!!!!" and I guess she was laughing so hard that she peed. Right there in the living room. The one thing I remember is the little pee dribble on the carpet - it must have been stain resistant, because there it sat, NOT absorbing into the carpet. She had to wear her grandma's muu-muu the rest of the afternoon while her clothes were cleaned and dried.

Or how about the time that we were playing catch with a softball in her grandma's backyard. She threw it, I wasn't watching, and right as I turned to look at her, WACK!!! Softball to the eye.
Or maybe the time at her grandma's house when she sprayed my clothes with the water hose and I ended up wearing her grandma's muu-muu all afternoon while my clothes dried.

Or what about that one time that we decided to make dinner for her grandma and her grandma's friend. With absolutely zero cooking knowledge besides how to toast bread, we set about making a DELICIOUS meal. It was some kind of soup, and all I remember is that it had corn. Maybe some instant potato soup. We ended up calling it, appropriately, "Brain Flames".

How about that one time at her grandma's house (I'm sensing a theme here....) where we decided to check out her grandma's sex novels. We read aloud about a man licking his lover's "navel" and thought that was just about the most disgusting thing in the entire world. Her NAVEL, OHMIGOSH!!!! Right up there with cooked spinach and sauerkraut (sorry Abs, can't stand the stuff!).

What about the time that we went to Outdoor EFY and I forgot my toothbrush and we shared yours the entire week? I also distinctly remember us walking down the mountain with a shovel and half used toilet paper roll, trying to find some privacy from our camp. I don't think I could have pooped on a hill with anyone else.

Then there's always the infamous Durango Trip. There's not enough time in the day to talk about all the crazy, hilarious things that happened to us on that trip. We were "probed", we watched a drunken hillbilly pee right in front of the parked car we were in, we watched as the bride hitched up her dress and ran up to meet a long lost friend, falling in the mud on the way. We were told the fancy punch wasn't for "the kids", and that they had non-caffeinated pop for us, just to be "P.C". We had to hike up a small hill in our dress shoes and skirts to pee because we were not about to use the port-a-potty they'd brought for the occasion. We sat in amazement after the ceremony was over as a women stood on the porch, rung a triangle and told us to "Come an' get it!!" I could go on (and on, and on and on....) about this one experience, but there are so many other good times...

Like the many times we stayed up all night long and then ate breakfast with her dad after he got off his graveyard shift as a cop. Then we'd settle into our sleeping bags and sleep until 3 that afternoon.

What about that time we both got locked in her playhouse outside, and our other best friend Kjersti had to call her dad at work to come get us out?

How about the many times we'd be driving in her car and see headlights flashing behind us and we'd pull over only to find it was her dad telling us to come home for dinner, or asking us if we had our seatbelts on.

How about that time when we were helping her mom with the blood drive at Primary Children's Medical Center, and I fell in the trash can in the bathroom? Or when that crazy guy told us about that time he was in...some crazy country...and watched cows floating dead in the river?

Or the time when we were playing our flutes in a church program and started laughing so hard at the end of the song that we couldn't get the last 3 notes out, and just walked away and sat down?

The picture at the end pretty much sums up our childhood. We were waiting for Kjersti to come over one Friday night for a sleepover and she was taking FOREVER. Like, a whole 20 minutes longer than she said she would. So we got sick of waiting, and decided we needed to do something exciting to get her to come down. So we opened up her coat closet and put on everything we could. Her dad's hunting hat, ski goggles, clothes, her mom's jacket, her dad's gun holster, glasses that made you feel drunk....and walked up to her house. We were laughing so hard when we got there (those glasses REALLY made it difficult for me to walk straight...) we collapsed on her floor in a giggling heap, and Kjersti had no idea it was us.


Abs, I love you so much! I can't believe the way our lives have turned out, and how intricately they've weaved themselves together. You know, we weren't that far off when we pictured marrying brothers and living in our mansion together. You've been there for just about every part of my life, and I've so enjoyed being a part of yours. I love you, and look forward to many more years of these crazy experiences we seem to always find ourselves in. In 60 years when our husbands are tragically killed in a freak frisbee golf accident, we'll move in together and both drive each other crazy, eating Brain Flames and mocha almond fudge ice cream.

Happy Birthday Abs!

White Chocolate coated Garage Sale

Well, the crazies of Albany united today to make garage sale #2 fairly successful. For some reason THIS time we sold hardly any of the smaller junk, and nearly all of the big crap. It seemed like every time we sold something, they felt the need to share their political views, personal convictions, or just a random tidbit of their life.
One woman showed up at 8 am (despite the fact that we said it would open at 10) and asked if we were going to open early. When we opened the garage door she went to work right away. Folding clothes, arranging them, commenting on our pricing, and giving us advice. Very un-solicited advice. After finding out that the second family contributing to this sale wasn't here yet, she left saying she'd be back. And back she came, offering more pricing advice like she was some EXPERT. Had taken Garage Sale Techniques 101. "I hung your baby clothes on the rack. I think $3 is a good price for them...."
One man, after agreeing to purchase our dresser sat with us for at LEAST fifteen minutes lecturing us on the "Attack on the Middle Class". Somewhere in there he started talking about cutting up his JC Penny credit card in the store, and after that I totally zoned myself to my warm cozy bed.....where there were pillows to muffle the sound. He paid us and still hasn't come back for the dresser, and um, it's a little past 1:45, dont'cha think?
One old man asked me about the vacuum we had for sale, checked out our sign, "$5, works great!" and asked "So, does it work?" Um....yeah it does. He said he'd take it, and when he was paying me he said that his wife had "just got a new vacuum and ha! I don't know what she's going to say when I bring this thing home!" I blinked and kept my mouth shut for fear that any sound might trigger his brain to click on, and he'd take back his money. I can't imagine what would run through my head if Caleb did that. Probably that it was high time I quit letting him go anywhere by himself.
The rain is back, full force. Just thought I'd keep ya'll updated. California is REALLY lookin' good right about now.
My account with Verizon was up, which means I can to finally upgrade to a new phone, and upgrade I did. In my possession is the new White Chocolate phone from LG. I feel like an 85 year old grandma trying to figure out how to use the new "clicker" for her television. I have absolutely no idea how to work the thing, so it's just sitting in my lap. Willing my music to magically transfer itself from my computer to it's loving arms. Or at least maybe just a cool ring tone. A pretty picture. SOMETHING!!!! And I just can't give it what it wants. So I'm officially throwing in the proverbial towel for a REAL one. A nice warm towel, after a nice hot shower. Maybe if I leave the phone on the computer the new fancy gizmo will use the powers of osmosis. Maybe.......

Nostalgia

I have a sick feeling these next few posts...okay, maybe like, this next WEEK of posts are going to be a series of random haphazardly thrown together thoughts. I guess that's what moving will do to you. It's nearly 11 pm and we still have a jillion things to do to get ready for our garage sale tomorrow. Which is going to have to be IN the garage (an in-garage garage sale, if you will) because um, yeah. The rain? It's still a' commin'. So to bide the time, pass for some thoughts, I'll leave you with some pictures of a happier, calmer time in my life - when this elephant of a move was still alllllllll the way at the end of that there horizon out yonder. When I didn't have to ask myself if I should keep that dance team sweater from high school. You know, the one I never wear, but can't get rid of? Who would want a sweater with someone else's name on it? I NEED that sweater. What if I get a call one day asking if I'd PLEASE come back and dance for the school? I'd have to have that sweater!!! These are the irrational thoughts that run through someone's mind when it's late and they've downed their weight in leftover candy corn. Those little devils should be outlawed. Hello, my name is Kim, and I am a candy corn-aholic.

Moving right along....Caleb took me to Silver Falls for my birthday, and we hiked most of the 8 mile loop to see the 10 different waterfalls. It misted the entire time and left us completely soaked, but it was so nice to be outside. Take that rain! You can't keep us inside forever! The leaves had just started to turn and it was...peaceful. Insanely quiet. Nothing but the faint dripping of water off the leaves.

Anyone Want a Slice of Neurotic?

Cuttin' it close...........in case you were wishing and hoping and praying I'd make another list.

Things in My Purse: Numero Uno

1. 1 USB flash disk. Not mine. I'm borrowing it from a friend at work to transport some personal files off my computer. Apparently no one uses floppy disks anymore. Except me....

2. 1 orange leather Fossil wallet. Contains only plastic and $15 Australian Dollars.

3. 2 stolen pens from the Kimpton Hotel we stayed at in California. Love 'em. Hey, "Every hotel has a story".

4. One mini bottle of Aveda lotion. Also taken from the Kimpton hotel. I think it's expected that you take them though, right? I mean come on, if you're going to offer your clients Aveda products, they're gonna grab as much as possible. I know I do.

5. 2 hard candy wrappers.

6. 1 rootbeer barrel, 1 butterscotch disk, one fruit filled hard candy, one mini grape Dum Dum sucker. I swear, I only use them for medicinal purposes....

7. 1 University of Utah planner. No I don't go there anymore. No I don't work there. Yes I do work for another university. Yes I still make the 20 minute trip to the U0fU bookstore to purchase one every year when I fly home. It's like when you find a great pair of jeans. You're not even gonna TRY to look for another. Well....no. I pretty much second guess every great clothing item I own. It's not like that at all.....

8. 1 receipt for the shampoo I bought at Walgreens, 1 receipt from Quizno's, 1 paper full of copied recipes from a friend.

9. 1 half empty (yup, that's the way I look at it) pack of Trident White - Peppermint. With 2-way whitening power. Cause 1 way just isn't enough.

10. 1 super Tampax Tampon. Just in case.

11. 1 small wire bound book. For idea's, great websites, quotes, beauty product reccomendations on the fly.... Cause I hate standing in the store at 10 o'clock at night, staring at the seven billion face washes going "What did she say she liked again?" Plus, it makes me feel creative. And heaven knows I need a little bit more of THAT juice.......

12. 1 cylindrical make up bag from Benefit. Contains 72 different kinds of lip glosses for all my eccentric moods. 1 stick perfume, 1 concealer, 1 pressed powder compact. 1 pill tube. 3 mini orange pills for my stomach. I gots some issues.

13. 1 full bottle of Dove facewash, left in there from my trip TWO weekends ago. Note to self: how about we maybe think about relocating that to it's proper position, in between the face lotion and birth control pills? Hmm? It might be nice. Note to the internet: I have been cheating on my Dove facewash with Philosophy's Purity ever since.

14. 1 bottle of magic blue bills for my stomach. Blue Pills! Orange Pills! With these powers combined......I make it through the day!!

Top 10 Things...

I started thinking about what I wanted to post today, and had about a zillion things come to mind. I'll only pick a few, so ya'll won't get bored or nuthin'. And by "ya'll" I mean like, the one person that reads this. :)

First off, I hope everyone voted today. As women, it's a privaledge we've had that hasn't always been ours. In the 4th grade I was a part of a history fair skit about the Women's Suffrage movement, and learned a lot about everything those women went through, some of them never seeing the fruit of their labors. One women wrote about what happened when the bill finally passed:

"The effect of this victory upon the nation was astounding. When the first Illinois election took place in April, (1914) the press carried the headlines that 250,000 women had voted in Chicago. Illinois, with its large electoral vote of 29, proved the turning point beyond which politicians at last got a clear view of the fact that women were gaining genuine political power."

So if you like the way things are going in this country and with our leaders, vote. If you don't? Vote. Cause you can't sit back and complain about how things are, or gloat in your contentedness, if you aren't willing to voice your opinion the only way that matters. That's all.

Secondly, oh.mi.gosh. Did ANYONE predict the break-up of Brittney and Kevin?! I mean woah. Talk about out of the blue. There's no way in a million years I would have thought those two would part ways. Alright, enough sarcasm.....um....okay, one more. So....did she just decide to get the two kidlets out of him and then split? Was that the plan? Cause honey, you could have picked a MUCH better stud horse.

Third, some advice. For the sake of yourself and all of your customers, if you're a vegetarian DO NOT choose to work at Quizno's. I thought you were going to puke all over my Turkey Lite, and I don't need that kind of scare right now.

Fourth, Pizza Hut pizza crust is choicest above all other pizza crusts.

Fifth, does anyone like hot Italians? How about a hot Italian that can sing? Yeah? Okay - check this out. And don't be all like "Yeah, great" after 30 seconds, keep listening. "The Prayer"? Who doesn't like "The Prayer" sung by a hot talented Italian? I've felt guilty about hoarding this little secret for so long. I watched him work his way through Australian Idol, and baby, what a gorgeous ride it was.

Sixth, Cracked Black Pepper & Olive Oil Triscuits topped with cottage cheese should be made our nation's official snack food.

Seventh, honestly, will the rain ever stop?

Eight, no really. Come on. You're joking. It's gonna stop now, right?

Ninth, if you have frizz-prone hair? NEVER run out of conditioner. EVER. I'd send you a picture, but let's just say you don't need to see that. It's gory. It's violent. Images are more disturbing than they appear.

Tenth, alright. It's not funny anymore. The rain MUST STOP.

Swan Song

By the time we move next week, Cabe and I will have been living here in Albany for a year and seven months. Except for the brief week in Hawaii, this is where we've been since we've been married. I was NOT looking forward to moving away from all my family and friends, and can't say that I'm completely over that. I have definitely come a long way however, and despite the teasing and joking about how wierd and strange this place is, I've really come to enjoy many things about the area, and am finally feeling like I have a place here. :) A little late, right? As this next week will be the last full week we have living here, I wanted to make a list of things that I've enjoyed and will miss about this place I've *grudgingly* called home.

* U-Picks - one of my favorite things about this place - all the gorgeous local fruit you could ask for. All you need is a dollar or two, an hour, and a basket.

* This suburban neighborhood that we live in. How nice is it that we can take a nice Sunday stroll (sigh, not yesterday, because um, remember? The rain?) to the park just a block away? That the doorbell rang every 2.5 seconds on Halloween because there are approximately 3.5 children in every home? That we can get up and jog in the wee morning hours and feel safe?

* And while we're on the topic, this lovely townhome of ours. How I will miss thee, tiny backyard and one car garage. How I will miss being able to stay in my underwear and let the dog out at 7 in the morning. Being able to wash our car (and when I say that I mean Caleb washing the car) in our very own driveway. Having SOMEWHERE to go sulk when the husband once again deletes another Oprah episode off the DVR.

* Old World Deli's, "The Nutty Vegetarian". I've tried repeatedly to recreate this heavenly sandwich, but alas, it appears too much of a challenge. How can you even attempt to mimick perfection? I'm leaving the details for a post later this week, when I can provide proof, and leave you all salivating.

* I'm actually going to MISS the small-town feel that manifests itself during football season. I think I had a bit of an advantage working at the university and being in the midst of all the excitement - especially working at the Skybox during the games. Go Beavs!

* Looking out the car windows into the dense forests - for Sasquatch. I am convinced that if he IS out there, he lives in the Oregon forests. I WILL find you Mr. Sasquatch....

* No tax - when the sign says my Dairy Queen Blizzard is $2.99, it really is $2.99.

*My Beloved Winco. Home of bulk-food and cheap thrills.....

* Tillamook brand cheese, vanilla bean yogurt, and ice cream...They can ship Marionberry Pie, right?

* Lazy summer Saturdays at the local swim hole in Mary's River. How picturesque is climbing the hill and swinging off a rope swing into THIS?

* The many shades of green, year round. I will pretend that I've forgotten the 300 days of rain required to produce such hues. Ah, the greenery...

* The price tag of every. single. thing.

* Fall. I LOVE fall. I love this street in the fall.

* Of course, above all, the many friends we've made in our neighborhood and church. It really is true that then you're not near your family, your friends become your "home away from home". We will miss everyone, but plan to visit often.....that was one stipulation I petitioned for, and I am a very stubborn girl.

Sunday Snooze

This is my favorite part of Sunday. The lazy, cozy, comfy, let's-stay-in-our-pajamas-all-day feel that you don't need to feel guilty about.




The dog however, well, he detests that feel. The number of times that he's shoved a ball in my hands today is enough to tire a three year old. A post-trick or treating three year old.

I once again voice my angst against my Scotch-tape bound camera. "When will then be now?!" I hear ya Lord Dark Helmet.

Distraction

What to do on a dreary, rainy, Saturday night in Oregon?

Totally humiliate the mutt.

I could do this for hours.

These pictures would look SO much better if we had a camera that wasn't being held together by Scotch tape.

It's literally been raining since um.....Wednesday. It doesn't look like it's going to stop until maybe....possibly....Monday the 13th? If we're lucky. The packing boxes are slowly eating up everything that the dog could balance, and then I don't know WHAT we'll do.

Thoughts from Mini-Me

I used to think that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lived in my unfinished basement. My sister and I watched the videos probably every day. The real characters, not the cartoons - cartoons are for sucks. It totally freaked me out (them living in our basement and all), but I also totally had a crush on them. Especially Rafael.

I used to think that The TMNT were the ones who sang along with The Beach Boys in the song "Wipe Out". I even had each voice picked out as each turtle.

I used to think that the Beach Boys song "Little Deuce Coup" was really "Little Miss Cook".

I used to think that the wolf from the cartoon "Peter and the Wolf" lived in my unfinished basement. Every time I'd turn off the lights, I'd run up the stairs as fast as I could, my heart pounding.

I still run up the stairs when it's dark, my heart pounding.

I used to think it was a very real possibility that if I could just meet my crush of 4 years, Dean Cain, he'd totally want to marry me. Then those huge rippling muscles would be mine. Good thing I didn't - he don't look so good now, do he?*

I used to think that I could TOTALLY be a surgeon by the time I was 21, like Doogie Howser (omigosh, did you hear he's gay?!). I'd be living with my best friend and we'd both be married to brothers, living in separate wings of our mansion with horses and Great Danes.

I used to think that condoms were bright yellow foam diapers.

I used to think that peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were the closest to heaven I could get on Earth, and now I can't stand them.

I used to think that what my preschool teacher said was true: that every time she said something silly, she'd totally put her "brains in the pickle jar".

I used to be afraid of my great-grandma, and would hide under the table when we would go visit her.

I used to think that a multi-colored sweatshirt and coordinating stirrup sweat pants was the coolest outfit ever, and wore them with pride. Every. Single. Day.

I used to truly believe that Santa and his reindeer ate the cookies and carrots we set out every year.

I used to think that Kendall was the best name ever, and petitioned my parents to name my little sister that for the entire 9 months my mom was pregnant.

I used to not think about the way my body looked, and now I do. Every day.

I used to think that being a secretary was the most glamourous job out there.

Ah, the naivety of a child!


*this last sentence just KILLED me, the grammer! The horror!

Aussie 101

The last college semester I took happened to be while I was studying abroad in Australia. The semester was four months long, I went by myself, ended up rooming with 2 guys and a girl (TOTALLY not allowed at my house) and really discovered some things about myself. I learned that it's never a good idea to follow directions given by a drunk counselor, I learned that America, as crude and sexually driven as it is, is nowhere NEAR that of other countries. I learned that I really love Nutella, and really hate Vegemite. I discovered that going to an Australian grocery store could keep me occupied for hours. I learned that America has much more influence on other countries than I ever thought. Among all these things, I also learned a few choice Australian slang terms and lingo, and I thought I'd share. Here are just a few phrases or words I heard every day:

*sultanas = raisins. They actually have Sultana Bran. Prawns=shrimp. Big ones. Big black ones. Big black sea spiders.....ugh.... Rice Krispies are "Rice Bubbles", cause they kinda look like bubbles, don't they? Now that we're on it, what the heck is a krispie anyway?

*My first time grocery shopping I was asked if I wanted white or *brown* bread, and then if I wanted Tasty or White Cheese. "Tasty" is their form of cheddar, though it has a slightly different taste.

*Aussies like to shorten every word possible. Breakfast becomes "Brekkie", shorts become "shorties", sunglasses are "sunnies" Aussie Rules Football or Rugby is "footie". They don't ask you if you're going to college, but university, and it becomes...you guessed it... "uni".

*One phrase they use alot that has somehow eeked it's way into my vocab is "No worries", meaning no problem, no big deal. No worries mate!

*Aussies don't use the word vacation, but *holiday*. As in, "Oh, you're going to Cannes on holiday are you?" It made for an interesting conversation when I was trying to book my hotel room for their Spring Break. "You want to do what? Vacation....OH! You mean holiday!"

*A few years ago I decided that I didn't need to drink as much pop as I was, so I stopped. In Australia I was eating lunch with a friend one day, and ordered a lemonade. One swig and I nearly coughed up a lung. I was NOT expecting the bubbles! Apparently "lemon squash" is what we call lemonade, and lemonade is..well....like "Squirt" here.

*Do NOT make the mistake of asking a waitress for a napkin in Australia. That's a diaper sweetie. You don't want that.

*One phrase my grandma still uses is "Good Onya!" for good job.

*One of my favorites was their word for cotton candy - fairy floss. No explanation needed.

Alright, I've got to stop. I pulled out the binders my mom made of all the emails I sent home, and if I don't stop I won't get this posted until after midnight and hello! Would totally have already screwed up this whole thing on the second day.

So..... G'day mate!

It Starts!

Well, it starts. A whole month of posting! I figure things can only go up from here, right? Maybe by the end I'll have figured out what I want to change my template to. Is it possible to have a fun template without totally geeking up?! I ask you. Maybe I'll have posted something that gives some insight into who I really am. I've been a little frustrated at where my blog is going, or rather not going, and have been trying to figure out how to remedy that. NaBloPoMo might be just the thing, and to help me in this endeavor I found myself at the local Border's Bookstore, in the Web Design section looking for this book. I read the entire thing while taking a nice hot bath tonight in hopes that some of it might sink in with the plumeria scented bubbles. I think there should be some fun posts ahead! And if I can't conjure up some incredibly embarassing story from my childhood (impossible...there are many), at least I'll have the whole packing up my entire life and moving to Cali thing. Thanksgiving could definitely be blog-inspiring.

My first attempt will be short, since um, hello, Lost is on tonight, and who can blog when the sexual tension between Kate and Sawyer is so high you're afraid YOU could burst their bubble, or when you're just about to learn what in the world happened to poor Mr. Echo?!

So I'll leave you with this - since I don't have any human children to call my own yet.

Look at that monkey! Who can resist the monkey?

A Series of Unfortunate Events

It's an entire WEEK past when I thought I would be posting about the garage sale. But that about sums up my life right now - a week behind in everything. Sleep being the primary one...

Our garage sale was supposed to begin at 9 am, and end at 1 pm. We knew that the die-hards (and there were many) would arrive a lot earlier, so we began setting up at 7. Time of our first customer? 7:45. Item purchased? One huge roll of DHL bags. We weren't even going to sell them, but off they went for $4. Probably the LAST thing we thought we'd sell first, but whatever. We were makin' money! Even IF he looked like Hulk Hogan - who'd totally let himself go, we were suddenly $4 richer. We could ALMOST buy lunch at Costco.

I'd say our first blunder was my *bright* idea to buy cheap pop at the grocery store the night before, and sell it for 25 cents. The Weather Channel said it would be 70 degrees! The first warm day in over a week! They failed to mention however, that before 1 pm it would be insanely foggy and cold enough to freeze over hell. We bought four cases of pop....and sold 2 cans. I don't drink carbonation very often, but as punishment have been sucking down grape Dimetapp-flavored soda ever since. They didn't even bother to come up with a creative name for it, it's just "Grape". Lovely.

Our second, well, not blunder. More like crazy it-would-only-happen-to-us moment, was when I was standing on our grass surveying the masses sorting through our carnage. I looked down and saw a white RAT perusing the towels and sheets. White rat. With red eyes. We quickly discovered that it was domesticated when Caleb tried to run it off, and it just sat there. Blinking at us. We spent the rest of the day trying to scare it off, because if I were at a garage sale and had to stand quietly and wait for a RAT to move on to something else, so I could look at the sheets? I'd probably leave. Screaming. Apparently the rat took a liking to us because it decided to live in our backyard, which drove our dog (and therefore us) completely insane. *Update* - The rat finally met it's doom. Cabe found it in the backyard dead, with Bear licking it. I don't know if he killed it, or if he was just trying to console it, but if he did....well....it gives me some hope that the NEXT time someone tries to break into our car, he'll actually DO something about it.

We ended up selling a lot of the smaller things, and absolutely NONE of the bigger ones. The ones we actually thought would sell first. We made a little over $300 though, so it wasn't a total loss. We still have a bunch of items left, and I'm contemplating having another one right before we leave..... though I don't know if I can handle the stress again. Is that how people decide to have another baby? The magic of another one makes them forget all the hard work, sleepless nights, and stress?

We spent the rest of the week recovering, and then this last weekend I decided to run for "Best Laurel Advisor Ever" and volunteered to drive up to the retreat that the young women from our ward were at in Redmond, OR, 2 and a half hours away, just so that I could leave super early the next morning to get 3 girls back home for their track meet. My one fatal mistake was using Mapquest. I cursed myself during the entire 3 and a half hour drive....that's right, 3.5 hrs. CURSE YOU MAPQUEST!!!!! I got there around 8:30 pm, and had to leave the next morning at 7 am. They had brownies and cookies and even a chocolate fountain going, so you can imagine what that would do to 15 teenage girls, and consequently, our sleep that night. After sleeping on the world's worst mattress and waking up with an incredible back ache, I made the long and silent drive home (thank you CD players and sleeping girls!!). I dropped them off and headed straight for the OSU vs. USC football game (great game bytheway...), where I worked from 10:30 - 3:30 pm. We had a great Halloween party planned that evening with our friends, but I was so exhausted I could hardly enjoy it. We made fondue and chicken kabobs, and I managed to cut my finger with a knife...twice... and then stab my other finger with a fondue skewer. I think Cabe was worried about what else I would do to myself, so we left early and I probably fell asleep before my head hit the pillow.

I wish I could end this lovely story saying that I'm now resting and recuperating (at least for the sake of my hands, right?) but I can't. Sadly. We started the packing process, and we're well on our way to a gutted house. Let the hysteria begin.........

I have exercised the demons! This house is clear...

As I've mentioned, we're currently in the process of trying to get rid of half of our house. Half. So that we can attempt to fit into the apartment we've chosen in California. So I decided to go with the flow, jump into the Oregon Culture, and have a garage sale. I don't think I can accurately describe the zeal that Oregonians have when they get a whiff of a garage sale. Insanity - like the way I feel when I find yet another dog hair on the plate of food I'm about to eat. I absolutely LOVE going through my crap and throwing away things I've held onto for some odd reason. How in the world I found enough sentimental value in an old receipt from Mervyn's to actually keep it for three years is beyond me. The following are some random items I found during the cleansing process:

Ninety million of those mini-purses that come with the little bottles of lotion and bathwash from Bath & Body works. Number of times I ever put something in one of these purses: 1

Birthday cards from relatives that were 5 years old. Number of times I looked at, or thought about them after my birthday: 0

3 old journals that Caleb had kept, each with one page written in them. One of them wasn't even his. Numbers of times I had to convince him that he would still breathe without them: 2 (thankfully he had no qualms giving up someone else's)

2 college essays from either one of the 2.5 semesters Caleb actually was in college.

1 Scooby Doo shaped figure filled with bath bubbles. Long since forgotten.

1 rooster shaped pitcher. Usage? None.

3 different coat racks, none of which ever saw the light of day.

2 full sets of silverware that we don't use. 1 random knife, 2 spoons, 3 forks.

1 pair of Gap black leather pants, bought during the torrid high school years. Number of times I wore said pants? Nada

It will be interesting to watch people go through our personal items. I hope the free underwear I got in the mail from Jessica Simpson gets snatched up - real quick.

Oh, this old thing?

You know that scene in "Apollo 13" where the people working at the space station have to figure out how to stuff like, a triangle into a circle? Or a square into a circle? Whatever it is, it looks impossible, right? That's what's happening to us right now. We're trying to figure out how to stuff our 2 level, 2 bedroom, 2.5 bathroom townhome into a one bedroom, one bathroom apartment. It's impossible. Especially when your husband feels it is absolutely positively NECESSARY that he keep the wadded up shirt that I've never seen him wear in the five years that I've known him. The ripped jeans that he swears he'll wear as soon as they are sewn. Who he thinks is going to sew his jeans is beyond me. He did NOT marry a girl who sews. Is it even possible to sew jeans that are frayed?!

If both of us make it through this moving process ALIVE, it will be a miracle. A real live Christmas miracle. Because heaven knows I am no more than three deep breaths away from either screaming until my lungs burn, or bawling in the corner.

No U Turns

Well, I guess it's time to talk about our recent trip to California, and what it means. In a nutshell, my husband and his business partner bought another franchise to the company that they already own. His business partner will stay here and run this franchise, and we will be moving down there to run that one. The Oakland, CA franchise, to be exact. We went down there a few weeks ago to try and find a place to live. Preferably one that won't require we hand over our first born child. The area stretches all the way down to just north of San Jose, so we had quite a big area to cover in just a few short days. This is where my I made my fatal mistake ("Clue" anyone?). Cabe said he'd go through all the apartment websites, and craigslist, to find some places for us to visit. Which he did. What he failed to do, was get directions....or an address...phone number....to any of them. You can imagine the frustration and arguments that insued. We lost track of how many U-turns we made. When we finally found a place with a map, we were both already at the end of our short, short ropes. Not only had we wasted an entire DAY driving around, finding nothing, we had also finally accepted the fact that no, there was no possible way we would find a place to live that was both safe and in our price range. The one bright light that day, was our hotel room. :)

Too bad you can't see the floors very well, they were tiger-print. Also, yes, the Aveda products were fabulous. There was a phone mounted next to the toilet. In case you simply can't wait those extra three minutes. I couldn't resist.......

Another obstacle that we hadn't expected, was our dog. I swear, by the end I was ready to sell the mutt. We walked into SO many places that either didn't allow dogs, or didn't allow them over 25 lbs. Since we didn't think it wise to starve him, we had to move on. The second day was more successful, we found two places that we liked, despite the price tag. Plus, we only made 14 U-turns, which is a success in itself. It was interesting to drive around all the different towns, thinking that we'll soon be living in the area. Here we are, in our first California traffic jam -

And again, in our 999th.......

Our moving date is quickly approaching, and while we're excited for the new opportunity, and to see a different place, we're sad to leave behind his partner and his wife, one of my best friends, and all the other friends we've made here. I'm going to miss not having to pay sales tax, and all the wonderful fruit and produce available. I'm even going to miss the people I work with, and I didn't think that was going to be an issue. :) While it will be hard, I know that this is one step closer to bringing us back home to Utah. And if I get a great tan in the meantime? Well, so be it.

Knee-Slappin' Good Time

So I'm driving in the car to work yesterday morning, and Bob and Tom (a lovely am radio show, for the uninformed...) goes to commercial. This is when I start going through every radio station I know of to find SOMETHING to listen to besides all those annoying commercials. Normally this ends in me getting so frustrated that EVERY STATION has decided that NOW is the best time to go to commerical, that I turn back to good 'ole Bob and Tom and wait......this morning however, I ended on a oldies station where a song was playing that I'd never heard of. It sounded like an old song my dad would listen to, with a bit of an Australian twang to it. So I start bobbin' my head, tappin' my fingers...gettin' all into it. By the second time I hear the phrase "Let's go Outback tonight" I realize my error. I've been listening to (and really enjoying...) a commercial for Outback Steakhouse.

Frozen

Have you ever had one of those incidents when you know that THIS moment is the moment that could change everything? A combination of change that could affect your life, your outlook, how you view the world around you? At the time, you’re not even sure what the outcome will be so you’re stuck in it, waiting to see if your life will continue on as it was…or not. We had one of those moments last night, and thankfully (hopefully!) our life will continue on as usual.

It started out as a normal night, after dinner and running some errands I convinced Cabe that our dog DEFINITELY needed his nightly walk. Aussie’s don’t take kindly to sitting in the house all day long licking themselves. They need to feel like they accomplished something, ANYTHING, to be happy. In our dog’s case, it means getting enough energy out of him that he won’t feel the need to rummage through the garbage can, eat the remnants of last night’s corn on the cob, have a stomach ache and eat as much grass as possible and later puke it up at 1 am. So that the first thing I *GET* to do on my birthday is clean up this mess….anyway…. we have the same route we follow every night. We start off walking in our neighborhood, and then end up doing a few laps around the park before heading home. On this night however, Cabe had found an abandoned tennis ball and so when we got to the park we let Bear off his leash and let him chase the ball around. You can see where this is heading. One of the throws headed straight for the street. Caleb yelled at Bear to not go after it, and I went from watching Caleb, to the dog. I yelled back that it was okay, the ball had stopped on the grass before the street. However, Bear gets insanely excited when chasing a ball and sometimes he doesn’t stop soon enough and his feet knock the ball in front of him. It happened then, and THIS is the incident that is etched in our brains; the one that will no doubt stay with us for a long time. The moment that could change our lives - the one that stood still. Caleb was screaming Bear’s name, and I was in complete shock as I watched – that sickly thud, the screeching tires, the dog’s yelps. Luckily the car didn’t actually run over him, as much as it pushed him forward, and then swept him under it, pinning him. When the car stopped I finally managed to MOVE, and ran up to where Caleb was trying to coax Bear out from under the car. When he finally did the smell of singed fur followed, and loose hair burst into the light of the headlights. I remember touching him and feeling the burned hair, and sort of looking from him to Caleb, and the driver in a daze. We managed to get him to the side of the road, and the car drove off. It wasn't until after he left that I felt angry that he didn't feel it necessary to at least see if the dog he hit was okay. Caleb ran home to get the car, and I sat with Bear, who was strangely acting himself, wanting desperately to follow Cabe. We got him to the vet’s (why Albany doesn’t have an emergency vet is beyond me…) and he seems to be doing okay. A few staples to heal a cut, pain medication, hopefully this will be all he needs. He’s definitely sore, and moves painfully slow, but hopefully that’s all it is – soreness. I know he’s just a dog, that if this had happened to a child it would be much worse. But for those few seconds when I was rendered unable to move I thought about what it would be like to not have him around, how strange that would be. I’m glad that this moment, this incident, hasn’t changed our lives as drastically as it could have. He’s a very lucky mutt.

Popcorn anyone?

It's time for another "science news" entry. This one is uh......a juicy one. Crunchy....

So the first thing that drew my attention to THIS particular article was the title.

"Crunchy Big-Butt Ants Entice Gourmands".

As if those qualities were a GOOD thing. In a nutshell, virgin-queen ants, "hormiga culona" (which honestly, I'm not kidding, means big-butt queen ant) are in hot demand right now. Not to be burned with a magnifying glass by an eight year old boy, but to be made into "gourmet" desserts. Dipped in chocolate. Perfectly delightful Belgian Chocolate. They come from Colombia, where people have been eating them for centuries. CENTURIES. Generally the Colombians toast them and eat them as a snack, but now they're being exported (last year they shipped more than 880 pounds of it!) to be dipped in the above mentioned staple for all women, and then sold for as much as $8 for a half dozen at stores like Harrods. $8 for 6 little ants. Maybe little is an understatement, it says they're about an inch long. The French have even gone as far as to name them the "caviar of Santander". The funny thing, is that the Colombians also consider them as pests. Andres Santamaria, a native, best describes their problem - "It's an age-old dilemma for the farmer - should I kill it or eat it?" Not a problem I'd have, I'll tell ya that much. One man organizes a hunt every year during the harvest season (the one time the little buggars come out of their colonies in search of a mate). A 71 year old woman took second place last year, and won herself an electric blender. Fitting, as it states she no longer eats the ants because nearly all her teeth are gone. Maybe she can use it to make herself an ant shake?

All I know is that this is just another thing to add to my Things I Will Never Eat list. Right up there with snails, raw fish, beans of any kind, and milk.

I'll leave you with the article's opening paragraph. Ya know, sort of a palate cleanser...

"The first loud crackle tastes and feels like popcorn, but by the time the juices spray wildly in your mouth and the filament-like legs slide down your throat, there's no mistaking this toasted ant queen."

Now excuse me while I go kill the ants that have decided to call my kitchen "home". I could box them up and ship them, if anyone's interested.